


you said forever now i drive alone

by jennieT_T



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Breakup, Emotional, Heavy Angst, Karl Jacobs - Freeform, M/M, Pining, i tried making it as painful as possible, karl jacobs/Sapnap - Freeform, karlnap, listened to drivers license and got so inspired, really bad at tags, sapnap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennieT_T/pseuds/jennieT_T
Summary: sapnap gets his drivers license and decides he wants to revisit his and karls memories one last time
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	you said forever now i drive alone

**Author's Note:**

> heyy this is my first time posting a fic here pog 🔥 i heard drivers license by olivia rodrigo and knew that i Had to write an angsty fic based on this! :)

_ 12:00 am _

sapnap rolls over one last time before giving up on trying to fall asleep, it's been hard lately, since the break up, not having someone to have late night calls with that made him feel like jelly, not being able to make someone he  loved laugh, he couldn't properly cope, moving on was completely out of the picture right now.

he had gotten his driver license recently, actually, and even that managed to remind him of karl. all the empty promises that made him believe karl and him would go on long roadtrips together while switching seats every few hours, him crashing at karls for a week or two, and karl helping him get even better at driving, they were all empty promises but they never left his mind,

his breathing felt sharp, it's been like this since they broke up, he know he shouldn't be pining for his now ex but he was  genuinely  _ still  so  _ in love with karl.

he stands up, his balance being a bit off and vision still being cloudy causing him to stumble, his expression became dull as he glared at the keys, physical hesitation occurring before picking them up, he grabbed a jacket and went out to his car, the loud shutting door echoing in his head,

he plugs his phone into the aux cord, pressing on shuffle while smoothly starting up the car, his fingers tapping hastily on the wheel, 

_ i got my driver's license last week, _

_ just like we always talked about. _

the lyrics shooting into his heart like a bullet, a burning sensation going through his whole body, tears threatening to form, the familiar feeling of a _torturous_ pain forming in his throat, he swallowed and pressed on the gas.

he looked around, taking in the surroundings and desperately trying to live in his memories, where karl and him are holding hands, pushing eachother around jokingly to create some form of warmth and laughing over the loud noises of traffic, an aura of positivity dancing around them.

_ and i know we weren't perfect but, _

_ i've never felt this way for no one. _

his head started spinning, he was breathing in fire, his grip on the wheel tightened as he quickly thought about driving to a whole 'nother state just to see karls neighborhood one last time,

he knows he shouldn't, the logical part of him knew he _really_ shouldn't, but something inside of him wanted to, _so_ badly. he knew he would hurt himself by doing this, the pang of guilt that'd go through his veins if he did, so he'll leave that, for another sleepless night.

_ and all my friends are tired of hearing _

_ how much i miss you  _

all the tears he let out on call with dream, long text messages asking dream what he did wrong as if he knew the answer, attaching himself to dream and george to distract himself from his heart which was slowly crumbling apart,

he couldn't even join in on streams properly anymore, whenever he wanted to karl was already present, and he didn't wanna be the one to make it awkward for everyone. so at this point, sapnap was practically absent.

_ oh and i just can't imagine how you _

_ could be so okay now that i'm gone _

seeing karl practically bounce around in vcs to talk to everyone, sounding so incredibly happy all the time, being active as ever on twitch, it almost felt like karl wanted to see the younger one suffer,

sapnaps blood was replaced by poison, at least that's what it seemed like and everything felt bittersweet, venom running through his veins as tears slowly made their way down his face, the light from street lights becoming fuzzy, the occasional cars driving past having incredibly blurry outlines, 

_ god i'm so blue  _

_ know we're through _

_ but i still fucking love you babe _

he knew it was all one sided now, he knew karl lost interest halfway in their relationship, he knew karl would never even consider taking him back, but in the back of his mind, sapnap had the idea that it could happen, that everything would go back to being the same, that the honeymoon phase where they tried flirting on stream without being obvious, where they tried hiding it from their friends and where they had several meetup plans, would come back. and that everything would be the same.

that's what he wanted, he wanted karl. but he'll never have karl ever again, and he took their short time together for granted.

he's gone through breakups before, but he's someone who can move on relatively fast, it'll upset him for a day or two but he knows how to pick himself back up, he's the friend people go to when they need advice on how to heal their hearts,

which is ironic because this time,

sapnap can't even help himself, no one can, all the attempts made by dream, george, quackity, bad, they were all useless, wasted time. he always ended the day pining for karl, living in his dreams where everything was ok.

the song came to an end and the silence rung in his head, a notification popping up making his phone light up again,

karl is live.

karl is live while sapnap is hurting, it felt like a sick joke to him, a quick tap would bring him to a laughing karl, a karl he hasn't experienced firsthand for at least 2 months now, and that made sapnap feel sick, karl didn't owe him any emotions, he knew that,

but that didn't make it hurt any less, the feeling of slowly losing his mind didn't fade away, it only got worse, creating a massive headache.

with dried up tears he ended up parking on an ominously lit parking lot where him and karl went to watch corny romance films together once, a weird spot, but there was something oddly comforting about moonlight peaking through a windshield while giggling would fill up the uncomfortable silence, eventually making it a perfect place to fall asleep together _even if_ the car wasn't an ideal sleeping location,

they always made stuff work, they tried their hardest. always.

unfortunately, no matter how hard they tried, their relationship wasn't one of those things. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay hey again! :) i'm aware it was pretty short but i just wanted to test my writing with this, it's been in my drafts for a few days now but i thought it was time to finally post *fire emoji* 
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


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